He hasn’t paddled for months. He’s hardly been seen in the club house of a Thursday evening; the place that was always his ‘church.’ Yes, we’ve only just come out of winter, but that’s not why he’s been absent. The fact is, he’s been hiding, sneaking around like a prideless thief in the night. Quietly borrowing things he always distanced himself from. Asking for advice and tips. Sending encrypted messages about how he needed to do more training because his naught was not happy.
We know that Scatter has rewritten “The Life of Bryan” to mean “Bye guys, I’m off on Tour Again” but he crossed his own line in going off on a cycling trip. That’s right. Sad Sack Slater went to what he coined as “The Dark Side.” He joined those he’s so happily battered for being “Botty Bandits” – those he loves to lambaste as “Lycra Clad Wombats” and way worse – phrases we can’t publish in public.
Bryan borrowing a bike was bad, but he went to lower levels still, opting for an e-bike, to keep up with his new mates. How desperate. How disappointing. Sadder still, he then spent more time in the support bakkie than on the bike. Poor Bryan, beaten by the big the boulders of the Matobo. Shame, two return flights were then cancelled, so he had to stay away an extra night; cycling home wasn’t an option, given his blistered bottom.
It’s all right Bryan. We all make mistakes. We accept this as a (late) mid-life crisis. You’ve no doubt recognised the error in your ways and will be welcomed back on the water and in ‘church’ – where good waves and large rounds will be expected as penance for your sins.
On a more positive note, Dabs’ first Gold Medal at the Masters ICF World Canoe Champs went to one who lost his way many years ago but then returned – well done Monty, and we’ll take this as a good omen that Bryan will be back.
Till next time. Go Dabs!